Deuce 5000

Lets talk about Poo….

Anyone who knows us, knows it comes up from time to time. Poo does. So if your squeamish and dont wanna talk about it, best to close the page now, or check out another post (they're good I promise). Cause its about to get real.

 So were running on our first month in Rhonda. We have a toilet. Which we ‘had’ to have.  However, one of us, I wont say who, doesn't like the idea of us “carrying around” our poos. I dont share this sentiment. If I gotta go, I gotta go. Where I run into a problem is; is the actual act of doing it. Our ‘bathroom’, is also the size of a box of wine. I am, however not. We finally got the ceiling vent actuator working, which has been an added bonus. There is also a small fart fan working as hard is it can to remove the delightful aromas that reside in the wine box. Before, it was a small chamber of death, in which you felt like you were choking on a poison you had given yourself purposefully. 

The bathroom is literally a 2ft X 3ft space, thats about 60x90cm for all the others out there, just enough room for me to feel as though I am part of some 3rd world torture chamber. Not enough room to do anything properly, but just big enough to think you can, every time. But hey, its there and I can ‘use’ it. Barely.

Breakfast is an exciting, Russian roulette game, of how much, if any, coffee do you dare to drink. Lets face it, we aren't the best morning people. We have however been rising fairly early, and for me, its more comfortable to just get out of bed and sit, then it is to remain curled in some sort of cruel yoga position, in a bed made for a hobbit. So drinking some coffee or tea is a normal morning task to start the day. Its a delightful pleasure, much like drinking, and, much like drinking you are rewarded with a painful endeavor at the end of it all. A hangover; or, having to poo, when you can't go comfortably. Still not sure which is worse. So this is the dilemma you face every morning. Coffee/tea and the uncontrollable bodily function that follows.

So picture me, climbing into a phone booth and having to do all the required tasks involved with evacuating the bowels. Beauty image, I'm sure. Hope you're not having that morning coffee right about now. Its not fun, but on the other hand its one of the most gratifying experience by the end of it all. It turns into a whole new day! Man, you climb out of that box - hopefully no more wet then you came in, as you never know when some plumbing might have its morning burp, another fun possibility. Nothing like a little blackwater in your eye to start the day. Or maybe the grey water tank is full and since the bathroom shower drain is the lowest, it is conveniently the first one to back up. So you very well might step barefooted into last nights dirty dish water. Fucking cute. Rhonda trying to defeat us at every turn. In the end you can wipe up (or down, depending on how you like it) everything you need to, with very little room to spare and doing it all a little more gently and precisely then ever before. Emerging with an even more satisfied and conquering persona then you would otherwise. As you flush however, and have a last glance down that black tunnel of bodily excrement and realize, shit, its time to dump this shit.

So then, for any avid “RVers” out there. What do you do about black water dumps??? Our first one was the definition of a disaster. Black water everywhere. …. a shower in bleach was about the only thing that could have cleaned us. AND, that one, was part ours and part the last owners. UGH. Its one thing when some of your own stuff gets on you, but someone else's.…? Makes you not feel too bad about cutting a limb off. I can learn to write lefty, my brother does it, can't be that hard…. ;) But really whats the protocol? Gloves, what kind?? I feel bad using latex gloves and throwing them out every time. So if you use reusable thick ones, where/how do you store them??? Its not like I have a utility sink at my disposal to quarantine and clean the biohazard off them. So a ziplock has worked, kinda, but you can't just throw the whole glove in there, cause what if something infects the inside? Then they're useless…. you also you have feces on you hands and rechecking your life choices up till now. 

The saga will continue. Learning as we go. In fact, one of us has “learned to go”, just today, again I wont mention names. But she did a great job, even if I was banished to the car for the duration of it. As for me, I will still keep trying to avoid the dish water, making myself as small as possible, and having a couple wines to forget about it all.

Heres to pooping where its comfortable!

J